What would have happened if Katrina had hit while Clinton were still president

I had a dream last night. In it, I was vouchsafed what would have happened if hurricane Katrina had hit while Bill Clinton were still president. Here now, in a WORLDWIDE EXCLUSIVE, are the headlines and news excerpts:

Tuesday, Aug. 30, Washington Post: Anguished Clinton and cabinet hold hands. Clinton hugs entire cabinet. Madeleine Albright reports that she was "moved".

Tuesday, Aug. 30, The Larry King Show:

King: "Any truth to the rumor, Mr. President, that you are going to walk down the Mississippi River--walk on the water like the world's best politician, Jesus Christ, world's best prior to you, of course--to speak to survivors?"

Clinton: [Chuckles, bites lip.] "No, Larry, I've eaten a few too many French fries for that. I'm  just going to bus on down to Lake Pontchartrain, and then maybe I'll walk across that little ol' lake." [Chuckles, grins winsomely.]

Tuesday, August 30, Nightline with Ted Koppel:

Domino's Pizza delivery boy: "I can tell you that they're working very, very hard on this. They're pulling another all-nighter for sure."

Koppel: "How do you know?"

Delivery boy: "Well we usually deliver just three or four pizzas a week to the WH. But tonight we delivered twenty. And Ted?"

Koppel: "Yes?"

Delivery boy: "They were all double pepperoni!"

Koppel: "Wow."

Wednesday, August 31, Washington Post: Clinton announces "We Feel New Orleans's Pain Week". Schoolchildren will wear little fruity-drink umbrellas and will receive federally-financed grieving and counseling sessions. Labor Secretary Robert Reich announces that he is "deeply moved".

Wednesday, August 31, The New York Times: A highly placed Administration source reveals that Hillary, Chelsea, and Socks are "very involved in the rescue effort".

Wednesday, August 31, The NBC Evening News with Brian Williams:

Bill Richardson: "Brian, I want to assure the American people that this administration is working very, very hard to help the people of New Orleans. At our last cabinet meeting--the fourteenth we've held in the last 48 hours, a world record--the president said we needed to be working around the clock, so he ordered not one, but two scoops of ice cream for everybody."

Brian Williams: "Wow."

Thursday, September 1, Washington Post: Clinton in New Orleans, Hugs Individually 72,134 People.

Thursday, September 1, The New York Times: An editorial argues that the reason things are not going well in New Orleans is that the city has had 25 consecutive years of Republican mayors.

Friday, September 2, Washington Post: "Clinton in New Orleans, Hugs 6,143 Dead People." Sidebar: Jesse Jackson says he urged the president, "If you can't find bread, you should hug the dead."

Friday, September 2, Los Angeles Times: Barbara Boxer, Howard Dean, Sean Penn, and Rob "Meathead" Reiner announce the formation of Democrats for Dryness. They say they are "deeply, deeply moved" by President Clinton's full support.

Friday, September 2, The New York Times, p. C-35: "An editorial yesterday in the Times stated that New Orleans has had 25 consecutive years of Republican mayors. For the last 25 years New Orleans has actually had Democrat mayors. The Times regrets the error. But we think we're still more reliable than all those dopey bloggers."

Friday, September 2, Boston Globe: A highly placed Administration source reveals that the ongoing problems in New Orleans are the fault of former president Ronald Reagan and his Secretary of the Interior, James Watt. "Floods are mentioned in the Bible and everybody knows that Watt was crazy about the Bible," said the source.

Saturday, September 3, Washington Post: Al Gore visits survivors in Louisiana and tells them about the time he endured a category five hurricane as a boy in Tennessee. "It destroyed all our family's carefully tended tobacco plants," he says. "That's why I invented the Internet--so that people would have more warning about bad weather."

Saturday, September 3, The New York Times: Madeleine Albright says she is "cautiously optimistic" about New Orleans. "Any few remaining problems are the fault of all the white males there--probably Republicans," she snapped.

Saturday, September 3, Newsweek: A new poll shows that French and Dutch citizens overwhelmingly approve of President Clinton's actions.

Sunday, September 4, Washington Post: Maya Angelou reads her special commemorative poem, "The Flood, The Blood, and The Mud." The survivors are moved and report feeling much better.

Sunday, September 4, Los Angeles Times: Bruce Springsteen, the Dixie Chicks, and Chrissie Hynde unite to sing an updated version of "My City Was Gone". Attendees at the Hollywood Bowl feel much better. Natalie Maines grins at the end of the song and shouts, "Go, President Clinton. We love you, Bill!" The crowd chants, "We want Bill! Let's Be Great in '08!"

Sunday, September 4, The New York Times: A senior Administration official reveals that President Clinton last year started a comprehensive disaster recovery plan, and that it would have worked really, really well, except that he didn't get to finish it because he had to respond to destructive personal attacks from Republicans.

Monday, September 5, Washington Post: New Poll Shows Overwhelming Support for President Clinton. "Asked whether they would rather support President Clinton or have all their teeth removed without anesthesia, a whopping 92% of Americans said they fully supported the president. The poll's margin of error is plus or minus three percentage points."

Tuesday, September 6, The New York Times: Kofi Annan nominates President Bill Clinton for the Nobel Peace Prize.

Wednesday, September 7, Page Six, New York Post: After a grueling week, President Clinton was spotted at Tavern on the Green partying with Barbra Streisand, Rosie O'Donnell, Susan Sarandon, Kanye West, Tara Reid, and other celebs. To lighten the still somber mood, the president told a joke. He claimed that he asked the National Weather Service to change the upcoming M-named hurricane "Maria" to the name "Monica". "I reckon she won't do much damage, but she'll probably blow pretty hard," he quipped, to uproarious laughter from the glam crowd.

Inspired by--but they bear absolutely no responsibility for it--Scott Ott and Rob Long.

Comments

[The Eclectic Econoclast]

Clinton went to church on Sunday. The main hymn was "We Will Gather at the River."

[Mace]

Nice parody on the NYT Krugman columns.

[Rodney A Stanton]

Very good! You should be a fill in at Scrappleface or iowahawk. I am sure Scott would be impressed. I also do not want my teeth pulled. Mazel tov!

[ptm]

Looks about right to me - lots of headlines about Clinton personally, none about an utterly incompetent federal response.

[Larry Lee]

I'm not sure what your point is, since the Clinton administration made the former FEMA into one of the most effective emergency-response organizations in the world.

If fact, both sides of the political spectrum are finding consensus in the view that Bush's FEMA wasn't up to snuff, that Katrina's wake swamped FEMA, as assuredly as it did NOLA.

Help me to understand why those current realities merit your merry romp through yet more Clinton bashing.

[Margaret]

Larry,

What disasters did Clinton's administration have to deal with? Besides the first WTC bombing, which NYC handled on its own. God must have wanted to spare us during the Clinton years because he knew Clinton & Co. would have just gone through the motions of caring (ala Ron Brown). Even as Bush included him in the relief efforts, his only "help" is to criticize -- what a complete dud of a human being.

[rjschwarz]

You didn't mention the cover of Newsweek when Clinton (would have) promised to attend Mardi Grass this year to show his confidence in the city and help restore the tourist trade. He plans to bring lots of beads.

[Sabrina Ross]

I can't believe there are actually sites like this one. Tell me, is it a man thing, or a republican thing to make jokes at a time like this? All you republicans can stand behind Bush like all the other cults I've read about...but as for the rest of the world, we have brains, and facts. It's hilarious that you joke about Clintons' diet, and his affair...hmmm, can't wait to hear the jokes we can form about Bush...sitting on his ass while people die, that's great humor. WAKE UP YOU BLIND, MISGUIDED REPUBLICANS!!

[Larry Lee]

Interesting response, Margaret. FEMA's history and success during the Clinton Administration is well documented online and can be found by using Google.

Could I also suggest that, if your sensibilities find Clinton to be a "dud of a human being", then there are a rather large number of other candidates who qualify for that distinction and operate currently on the political scene, including, I'm afraid, Dear Leader. Even among Dobson-certified Christians, blowjob-gate must be viewed as a less heinous failing than Dear Leader's neutering of the federal apparatus that was charged with responding to disasters such as hurricanes and dirty bombs.

May I suggest a test? Find a photo of the flooded New Orleans. Now, instead of New Orleans, imagine your own city in the picture. Instead of floodwaters, imagine a few smashed vials of a highly infectious strain of viral hemorrhagic fever modified for efficient wind dispersal. Do you feel as if Bush has established the protocols to save your city?

Bush claims he has. Following Katrina, we know he hasn't. Dr. Newmark's humor – a tiresome retelling of well-aired conservative conceits – is actually an exercise which which all Americans can sympathize. In the stark reality of Federal inability to deliver an effective disaster-response, many Americans will face the situation and chortle away their fear – do anything for a little comfort, including some old-time Clinton bashing. Anything to avert attention from the fact that Dear Leader isn't prepared for the big one.

[Steve]

Larry,
Thank you for showing the true face of liberalism.( where no facts exist, make some up).
Why do you insist on blaming Bush for everything that ever went wrong in this world?
What do you say to the fact that soldiers, water, and food were all set to go to the superdome
by the Federal gov. but were stopped by New Orleans officals because they said they didn't
want it to act as a magnet and draw the entire city there? If you knew anything about the constitution, you would know that local and state officials must declare an emergency and ask for federal assistance before the Feds. are allowed to do anything Larry.Thats a little something that protects us from the Federal gov. sending in the Marines and taking over your city or state for any bogus reason they decide warrants such action!
By the way Larry, where were the dem. leaders of NO for the past 25 years? Thats a long time to have to get ready for something you KNOW is going to happen someday-just a question of time.
Did you know Larry that the Army corp of engineers is given more money to spend on NO than any other city in the country? Why do you think that is Larry?
And why, in all those years did those CARING liberal leaders only bother to build levies strong enough to withstand catagory 3 hurricanes and not cat.5 hurricanes like Katrina?

[Sabrina Ross]

Steve,
I'm aware that you sent your message to Larry, but I have to respond. Do you honestly feel that the ONLY reason for the poorly managed response was local and state? The truth is at your fingertips...at the moment I'm reading a Katrina timeline posted in Italy! Facts, Steve, facts that this administration is trying to alter. Blanco asked for federal help Saturday August 27th. Steve, you need to sit down, take a few deep breaths, and come back to us...open your eyes, read, find the answers yourself, don't just automatically stick up for what you have always thought! I used to think we had a good leader, too. Have you never been misinformed? Met someone who doesn't have the best interest of others at heart? Unless your in the top 10% and getting an enormous windfall from tax cuts, there is still hope you can see the truth! Check out hurricanehousing.org....thousands of americans nationwide opening their homes for evacuees for FREE. that's amazing.
Sabrina

[ArmyArtilleryWife]

Sabrina...link?

Here are some facts:

Here's a timeline that shows Bush and the feds moving into action...http://rightwingnuthouse.com/archives/2005/09/04/katrina-response-timeline/

Here's an interview that shows state, not federal, agencies blocked Red Cross trucks: http://www.radioblogger.com/#000967

We do have federalism in the US and, regardles of me personal political opinions, the buck stops with the city and state in these cases. The federal government can, should, and did support these efforts, but the primary responsibility is at the local and state level.

The truth is, there was a failure. I believe that time will show that the majority of the blame rests at the local and state level and some at the federal... but right now that shouldn't matter.

What should matter is helping these victims.

Hopefully we will have a longer attention span than usual, because many of those who fled or were later evacuated now have nothing. The communities, like mine, that are taking them in are not wealthy, either. We just recognize that we have slightly more and we are reaching out to help.

We are welcoming them to our homes and our schools and giving others shelter in our community buildings, religious buildings, and school gymnasiums.

I say this not to pat us on the back but to ask that the rest of the country remember that this is a marathon, not a sprint.

Once the news has moved on and the stars are running back off to their next cause, please continue to check in on the families and communities that are no doubt permanently affected by this tragedy.

[Sabrina Ross]

Army artillery wife,
Facts can and have been altered by the Bush administration. He is a very powerful man with very powerful friends. If it makes you feel better to stand behind him no matter what, by all means, have at it. I completely understand that if your husband is in the army, you have to believe in your leader. But Bushs' numbers are dwindling...the polls don't lie, and we are all seeing his true colors regardless of who's to blame for Katrinas' aftermath. He's always made a practice of handing out jobs to his buddies, people who helped him during the elections. His policies and tax breaks wreak of a biased president who is paying back favors. I don't claim to be a politico, but I'm an american, a nurse, I have children, aging family members...nothing has gone unscathed under this administration. My bottom line has always been...what has improved? What? Not one thing...I pay more for health insurance, college tuition, gas (even before Katrina), my tax returns have shrunk, I've seen patients dangerously discharged to early, refused rehabilitation, and visiting nurses for insurance that doesn't cover the services. Hospitals closing wings, pediatrics, the maternity ward for lack of funds. What PERSONAL facts do you have? Not what you read, but what comes from your life and your family? Are they better off now, and how? Sorry, I rambled...
Sabrina
P.S. Your community should be commended for opening their homes to the evacuees, I think it's amazing!

[Steve]

Sabrina,
Hi, after reading your post I can see that your one of those
people who aren't easily fooled by the facts. You have an amazing ability to steamroll right over them. You couldn't answer one question I asked Larry. All you could say was "Blonco asked for federal help Aug.27th. That may be, but that dosen't change the fact that when it arrived, it was stopped by local officals.
My whole point was that the people in charge for the last 25 yearsdid nothing to PREVENT this from happening in the first place. They were democrats, but I'd be just as furious if they were republicans. Who cares what party they were, the fact is they blew it big time.
If someone were left in charge of a warehouse full of explosives for 25 years and carelessly went around lighting candles and smoking cigarettes all that time and the place finally went up in a big flash, who would you blame? Them, or the fire dept.who,when they got there were detained at the gates?
As far as all those things you want, your heath care paid,cheaper college tuition and so on. This is not a socialist country. Most of us here do not want the gov. taking care of us from cradle to grave. Those are all things we have to work for. Do yourself a favor and get rid of that entitlement mentality you have.If you want socialism, go to Canada. This country For now anyway) is still a place for self reliant individuals.
And by the way, I'm not in the top ten percent. I'm a humble truck driver who has to go out there and slug it out everyday like everyone else.
Thanks for the tip on "opening my eyes. You might want to try the same.
And when you think, do it with an open mind behind those open eyes.
Think with your intellect, not your pre-conceived ideas,political agenda, or your emotions....Steve

[ArmyArtilleryWife]

Sabrina,

I actually laughed out loud.

"Facts can and have been altered by the Bush administration. He is a very powerful man with very powerful friends."

Okey dokey...thanks for letting me know immediately that I'm dealing with paranoid delusions here. Facts may be manipulated but they cannot be "altered"...although perhaps publication of them can. Given what most of the media thinks of Bush, however, I doubt this would actually happen. We do have a free press and most of this all happened right out in the open.

Until you show me the "brainwashing/memory erasing machine," I'm not buying it.

"If it makes you feel better to stand behind him no matter what, by all means, have at it."

I don't stand by Bush no matter what. I have my own beliefs, which I reach through careful consideration of the facts.

" I completely understand that if your husband is in the army, you have to believe in your leader."

You say you are an American but you make this statment? Between this and your random reference to an Italian timeline of Katrina, I'm getting the feeling you don't know how we operate around here.

My husband has to follow military commands...but he can privately hold his own political opinions.

My actions and opinions are my own.

"But Bushs' numbers are dwindling...the polls don't lie, and we are all seeing his true colors regardless of who's to blame for Katrinas' aftermath. He's always made a practice of handing out jobs to his buddies, people who helped him during the elections. His policies and tax breaks wreak of a biased president who is paying back favors. I don't claim to be a politico, but I'm an american, a nurse, I have children, aging family members...nothing has gone unscathed under this administration. My bottom line has always been...what has improved? What? Not one thing...I pay more for health insurance, college tuition, gas (even before Katrina), my tax returns have shrunk, I've seen patients dangerously discharged to early, refused rehabilitation, and visiting nurses for insurance that doesn't cover the services. Hospitals closing wings, pediatrics, the maternity ward for lack of funds. What PERSONAL facts do you have? Not what you read, but what comes from your life and your family? Are they better off now, and how? Sorry, I rambled...
Sabrina"

Yeah, you did ramble...hard to know where to start as you are so completely off topic.

I'm not about to defend everything the Bush administration has done because I never said that, at all.

I will say that polls don't make someone or something right or wrong.

All I am saying is that the way our government is established, evacuation and first response are the responsibility of local and state government--and in some cases the governor seemed to actually BLOCK relief efforts.

What you call "PERSONAL facts" are anecdotes...while perhaps compelling, they prove nothing. Some may be reflective of larger trends, some may not. In your litany of complaints, most of these, even if they are problems in society, have nothing to do with the President or even the current Congress.

If it makes you feel better to blame everything wrong on one man, though, have at it...although it will not improve your life and is not really logical.

"P.S. Your community should be commended for opening their homes to the evacuees, I think it's amazing!"

It isn't amazing...it is just what people do...but thank you.

[Sabrina Ross]

I now realize why I've never blogged before...it's a way for me to unload my anger. The truth is Larry or Army wife could be someone I'd walk by on the street, and we'd probably smile or nod to each other. But here, we're being assholes to one another. I'm going to live my life, be a good person, have my opinions..but keep them private. This isn't a nice way to deal with my emotions...good luck to all.

Sabrina

[ArmyArtilleryWife]

I don't think I was being an "@$$hole." Was I?

A tiny bit snide in one place, I suppose...although I thought "paranoid delusions" accurately described it. I thought I was pretty polite otherwise.

I guess agreeing with someone that they rambled and noting that they are way off topic is rude in a debate by some people's standards.

Hmmm...

Oh well.

[ArmyArtilleryWife]

Oh, I wanted to add...

I talk this way to my friends in person... they don't seem to mind... although I guess y'all can't see my cute smiling face.

[Larry Lee]

If it's any consolation, Sabrina, the Christian blogs are worse. Thank you very much for saying the things that you did.

[William J. Cook]

For the sake of humor alone, I have certainly enjoyed some of the slams
against President Bush floating around the internet. Of special interest was
one received just today, depicting a photo of the president and former
President Bush fishing in downtown New Orleans, as residents of the
flood-ravaged city went about their grizzly business in the background.

Of course, the image was a composite of two photos that were unrelated in
time and place. Even so, it made the artist's point quite well. It shouted:
"George Bush is aloof," "George Bush is a millionaire who doesn't care about
the suffering of others," George Bush is a racist," etc. It might as well
have said that the president built Katrina with his own hands on his Texas
ranch. For that is certainly what the parasitic media and their willing
hosts would have us believe.

However, as a citizen who loves the truth-and a journalist who is disgusted
by what the media has done with it-I would like to clarify a couple of
highly significant points.

First, the folks who slept through two or three years of social studies and
political science, need to know that disaster response in this country is
not the responsibility of the President. Let me rephrase that for the
majority of those who are currently screaming bloody murder, because they
think George Bush is personably for everything from head lice, to the
break-up of Savage Garden, to body odor, to hurricanes:

DA PREZ AIN'T SPONSIBLE FAW NO BAD STUFF DAT HAPPEN LOCALLY!

Yes, it is true that the ravages of Katrina will have far reaching effects.
Beyond those who lost their lives, many have absolutely nothing to come back
to, and others may feel the effects of waterborne diseases for the rest of
their lives.

That being the case, we, as Americans, MUST have someone to blame. It is our
right to have someone to blame, and we do not intend to be cheated out of
it. But whom?

Could it be that the responsible for much, or most, of the suffering should
be laid at the feet of the residents themselves? The answer: Yes! Yes!!
YES!!!

Question: Did residents have more than two days warning that an incredibly
powerful hurricane was heading for New Orleans?

Answer: YES!

Question: Did residents know more than 24 hours prior that Katrina was going
to arrive as a "category 5" hurricane?

Answer: YES!

Question: Were residents warned to evacuate via constant announcements from
virtually every television and radio station?

Answer: YES!

Question: Were residents then ORDERED to evacuate?

Answer: YES!

Question: Have documentaries been shown on prime time illustrating that,
being considerably below sea level, a disaster hitting New Orleans was not a
matter of "If," but rather, "when"? [I saw one that was repeated on
Discovery Channel several times in the last few months!]

Answer: YES!

Question: Do you suppose there were residents of New Orleans, beyond the age
of fifteen, who were unaware of the perennial danger?

Answer: ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Of course, in their desperation to vent frustration for their own laziness
and incompetence, many will say that they didn't know, or that the "jury is
still out" on the dangers.

Sorry, there is no prize for this answer. The following is from the 41st
chapter of Mark Twain's, Life on The Mississippi. Twain (Samuel Clemens) was
a Riverboat pilot for some time, and knew every inch of the Mississippi. He
wrote the following in 1874:

" . . . Similarly, in high-river stage, in the New Orleans region, the water
is up to the top of the enclosing levee-rim, the flat country behind it lies
low--representing the bottom of a dish--and as the boat swims along, high on
the flood, one looks down upon the houses and into the upper windows. There
is nothing but that frail breastwork of earth between the people and
destruction."

The honest man must ask himself: "If the people have had this understanding
for a minimum of 131 years, why did they not respond to the order to
evacuate?"

As a taxpayer who has lost thousand of dollars in buying power over the last
few years through downsizing, the off-shoring of jobs, and a generally
sluggish economy. I am left to wonder why my family must continue to bleed
financially to support those who chose to "risk it all" of their own free
will and choice.

Of course, there are those who would furrow their brows, look me in the eyes
and say that poverty was the reason so many people stayed; they just had no
way to get out. Well this may wash with the media elite who grew up
believing that "roughing it" meant having only two color TVs. However, it
carries no weight with those who traveled that road.

I was raised in abject poverty to illiterate parents who, for ten years of
my life, made the migrant worker circuit, starting with strawberries in
Arkansas and ending with grapes in Michigan. I spent years going through the
harshest of weather. Some that stayed outside; some that came inside; and
some that shook all sides. I have endured the flooding from tropical storms
in both Franklin, Louisiana and New Orleans, and can state unequivocally
that those who wanted to get out, and were not infirm or under age, could
have gotten out.

Like many of you, I think the FEMA director was ill-prepared for the
challenge. However, if the president of the United States can be faulted for
doing anything wrong, it would be telling the residents of New Orleans that
their city would be rebuilt. Frankly, I think he should try this on
Atlantis, first. It would take less time, less money, be a greater
contribution to the United States, and stand just as much chance of staying
above water.

[cary simmons]

i have a very simple answer. if Bill Clinton were president during katrina, republicans would have not only impeached him, but tried to send him to prison for the deaths of so many people. but, it would have never come to that anyway, because they would have removed him from office after 9/11 and the iraqi fiasco!!