Thompson's latest Top Ten

Received via my cousin, but I have no idea who the original author is: "Political Science for Dummies".

      DEMOCRATIC

      You have two cows.

      Your neighbor has none.

      You feel guilty for being successful.

      Barbara Streisand sings for you.

      REPUBLICANISM

      You have two cows.

      Your neighbor has none.

      So?

      SOCIALIST

      You have two cows.

      The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

      You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

      COMMUNIST

      You have two cows.

      The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

      You wait in line for hours to get it.

      It is expensive and sour.

      CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE

      You have two cows.

      You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

      BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE

      You have two cows.

      Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the

      other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

      AMERICAN CORPORATION

      You have two cows.

      You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.

      You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised

      when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating

      you have downsized and are reducing expenses. Your stock goes up.

      FRENCH CORPORATION

      You have two cows.

      You go on strike because you want three cows.

      You go to lunch and drink wine.

      Life is good.

      JAPANESE CORPORATION

      You have two cows.

      You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and

      produce twenty times the milk. They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded

      trains. Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

      GERMAN CORPORATION

      You have two cows.

      You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent

      quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour. Unfortunately they also

      demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

      ITALIAN CORPORATION

      You have two cows but you don't know where they are.

      While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.

      You break for lunch.

      Life is good.

      RUSSIAN CORPORATION

      You have two cows.

      You have some vodka.

      You count them and learn you have five cows.

      You have some more vodka.

      You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

      The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

      TALIBAN CORPORATION

      You have all the cows in

Afghanistan

, which are two.

      You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.

      You get a $40 million grant from the

US

government to find alternatives to

      milk production but use the money to buy weapons.

      IRAQI CORPORATION

      You have two cows.

      They go into hiding.

      They send radio tapes of their mooing.

      POLISH CORPORATION

      You have two bulls.

      Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

      BELGIAN CORPORATION

      You have one cow.

      The cow is schizophrenic.

      Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish.

      The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.

      The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.

      The cow asks permission to be cut in half.

      The cow dies happy.

      FLORIDA CORPORATION

      You have a black cow and a brown cow.

      Everyone votes for the best looking one.

     Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote

      for the black one. Some people vote for both. Some people vote for neither.

      Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. Finally, a bunch of guys

      from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow.

      CALIFORNIA CORPORATION

      You have millions of cows.

      They make real

California

cheese.

      Only five speak English.

      Most are illegals.

      

Arnold

likes the ones with the big udders.

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